Well, it's been a while since my last post. I decided to take a break from writing Part III of Brett's Story. I had a rough week after writing Part II. It's difficult to remember and process everything that happened. There are still so many emotions involved and it's just A LOT! So, I will be getting back to it soon, but life is stressful enough right now. I don't have it in me to add more.
So what makes life stressful...?
Well, Brett started school on August 24th. That shouldn't be that big of a deal, right? It is! I hate everything about dropping Brett off at school. So why do I do it? Because Brett has significant delays in several different areas and needs special help from therapists. Delays that are a result/symptom of Williams Syndrome. Help that I am not able to give him. So Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I drop him off at a school 10 minutes away for 3 hours with people that I don't know and who don't know my son. I get a one page sheet from Brett's teacher describing who she is and what she does with her time. It's not much. Because it's a state school, she isn't really allowed to express any religious preferences. Even if she could, I have no idea what she would say. Don't get me wrong she is a nice lady and Brett likes her. I just don't know who she is or what she stands for. I'm grateful that I have people to help me with Brett and they all seem to know him and care about him. It's just not what I want.
Steven and I had plans for me to homeschool our children. We still want to do that. But here we are in the ghetto of Kansas City, Missouri sending our son to one of the worst school districts around! The high school is not even accredited because of their poor education system! Granted, Hickman Mills is supposed to have a good Early Childhood Special Education program.
Most would think, "Chriss, it's school. All kids have to go to school at some point. Your kids are going to grow up. You gotta let them go some time." To some extent yes, that's true, but it's not okay with me. I don't want my kids to spend the majority of their childhood away from home being taught and influenced by people I don't know. Call me a control freak or a religious fanatic. I don't care. It's important to me that my kids are discipled in the ways of God. If I'm not the one who is teaching my kids, I want to know who they are and how they live their lives and what they are teaching them. All that to say, I don't like to have to send Brett to school and it causes my soul to be in turmoil! And, yes, I'm a bit dramatic! : )
Another thing that adds stress to my life is our future and finances. We have taken leaps and bounds in the area of stabilizing our finances in the past few months. The issue is that our income fluctuates from month to month based on the type of jobs that Steven has. The fluctuation causes a bit of instability in our future. Our current income is barely enough to sustain our frugal way of living. We need more. We need a change. We both feel that a change is coming. We just don't have any answers as to what that change is. Is it a change in location? A change in career? A change in ministry? What are our goals? Are they the same as God's goals for us? One of our goals is to become debt free. What does that look like? And how do we go about accomplishing that when currently we are only avoiding going deeper into debt? AHHHHHHHH!!!!! It's so much to process!
Recently, Steven said that he heard Dave Ramsey say that money can't buy happiness, but it's proven to relieve stress. We could sure use some stress relief right now!
Although those things add a lot of stress to life, I'm really grateful for all that we have. God has blessed me with so much! I have an amazing husband who lives a life of humility and honesty before God. Although, we are opposite in many ways, he is my perfect compliment! I have three incredible children who mean the world to me. No one can bring tears to my eyes and joy to my heart like my kids! It's not perfect, but I love my life!